Quotes - Mega Feed
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Bernard Walton: All those brains, he doesn't have the sense God gave a rabbit.
—“Last in a Long Line” -
Nathaniel Graham: Can't we continue our debate like two adults?
Eugene Meltsner: We could, but we're one adult short.
Nathaniel Graham: How droll.
—“The Tower” -
Traci Mulligan: Well, Winona, it looks like it's just you and me, girl. Oh sure, come on up. Oh, and pass the mashed potatoes, will you please. No, no—oh. Actually, I was hoping you'd pass them in the bowl. N-no, I'll get the gravy myself. No, really, but thanks.
—“Leap of Faith” -
David Harley: Freeze! Police! Back away slowly, go for the cheese and you'll have it!
—“Addictions Can Be Habit-Forming” -
Sam Johnson: You're throwing away your Disney Read-A-Long records? You think they're impure?
Isaac Morton: I don't know. Better safe than sorry, I figure.
Sam Johnson: Bambi?!
Isaac Morton: Who knows how this stuff might influence me at weak moments.
—“Isaac the Pure” -
Connie Kendall: Hey, did ya have a good trip? We got your postcard from Germany, and Belgium and London and Paris and Rome and..
Jason Whittaker: Oh, I had a great summer. Just what I needed to satisfy my traveling bug.
Connie Kendall: I should hope so. Europe, Russia, China.
Jason Whittaker: You gotta do it sometime Connie. You gotta tour the world.
Connie Kendall: Right, well you buy and I'll fly.
—“For Whom the Wedding Bells Toll, Part 1” -
Eugene Meltsner: He eats people and their multi-million dollar contracts for lunch, and then uses someone like me as a tooth pick!
Katrina Shanks: Huh?
Eugene Meltsner: I am not your father!
—“Malachi's Message, Part 2” -
Alex Jefferson: Are you crazy? Come back here! We could get arrested or shot or something!
Cal Jordan: Cool!
—“Red Herring” -
Lisa Mulligan: So do either of you two like animals?
Janelle Mulligan: It depends on how they are cooked.
—“Viva La Difference” -
John Whittaker: Hey—instead of taking the bus, let's walk back to Whit's End. Whaddya say?
Eugene Meltsner: Are you sure, Mr. Whittaker? That's quite a distance for a man of your—
John Whittaker: Uh, careful, careful.
Eugene Meltsner: Uh... social position.
—“The Battle, Part 1” -
Nathaniel Graham: Can't we continue our debate like two adults?
Eugene Meltsner: We could, but we're one adult short.
Nathaniel Graham: How droll.
—“The Tower” -
Bart Rathbone: Look, I know you think you understand what you thought you heard me say, but what you thought you heard me say was certainly not what you thought I meant.
—“Family Values” -
Rodney Rathbone: Duck! There's Tom Riley! <tires screech>
Rodney Rathbone: Why'd you duck?
Doris Rathbone: You said to duck!
—“The Other Woman” -
Jason Whittaker: Wow! Look at all these kids.
Jack Allen: Yeah, there's been a line to play your video game all day long.
Jason Whittaker: Oh, that's great! You know, I'm thinking about bringing out some more. I could do the whole Old Testament in video games. Set it up in chronological order. You know, David and Goliath, Jonah...
—“Red Wagons and Pink Flamingos” -
Kelly: Picnics in the rain are fun.
Ed Washington: No...they’re not. They’re just...wet.
—“License to Deprive” -
Jules: How come Wooton gets to use your car?
Connie: Because he brings it back.
Jules: Oh, so now there are rules?
Connie: More just common courtesies like not driving my car out of town, or not running my car out of gas while you’re out of town, or not having my car towed by the police somewhere even farther out of town.
Jules: Like I’m the one who didn’t put enough gas in it.
Connie: Yeah, I shoulda thought of that before I let you take my car without asking.
Jules: Fine! Can I borrow your car that time?
Connie: No
Jules: See? That’s why I don’t ask.
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Connie: Maybe people get a little put off by your vocabulary.
Eugene: You mean intimidated by my vocabulary?
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Connie Kendall: What do you think they're up to?
Eugene Meltsner: Ah, establishing a plausible and rational explanation to this mystery. I hope.
Jack Allen: If they can.
Connie Kendall: Jack, you're beginning to sound like you believe he's really an angel.
—“Malachi's Message, Part 2” -
Jack: In business there are only two choices: lower your expenses or increase your revenue.
Bart: You are completely overlooking bankruptcy and insurance fraud.
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Connie: Phobias aren’t rational. They don’t have to make sense. Don’t you have any?
Jason: Fears? Not really, just the standard stuff: pirates, vampires, sasquatch, intimacy, commitment.
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Connie Kendall: Sometimes you make a lot of sense, Eugene.
Eugene Meltsner: Sometimes???
—“Let This Mind Be in You” -
Paul Revere: You must both leave for safety at once!
John Hancock: Safety? Not while there's a breath left in my body! Bring me my sword!
Sam Adams: Hancock, we've been over this a thousand times! You cannot go into battle! You're too valuable to us elsewhere!
John Hancock: I shall go into battle and none shall say me nay! Where's my gun and my boots?
—“The Midnight Ride” -
Jeff: So, what kind of poison is the cafeteria serving today?
Bobby Novak: I can't tell. It smells like my dad's sneakers.
Jeff: Let me see. Is meat supposed to be green? And what are those little round purple things supposed to be?
Bobby Novak: Look, Jeff. I have to eat this stuff! I don't want to think about it.
—“Bobby's Valentine” -
Aubrey Shepard: He bit me, and I bit him!
—“The Lyin' Tale”Aubrey Shepard: When I open this garbage can lid, anything can happen.
—“The Lyin' Tale” -
Bart Rathbone: <on TV> It's like I've always said, Abby. The poor have got to eat, too.
Connie Kendall: Like you've always said?!
—“Rewards in Full” -
Connie Kendall: I have all the time I need to do the things I have to do. In fact the only thing wasting my time right now is Y-O-U. So if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
Eugene Meltsner: Y-O-U?
Connie Kendall: YOU, EUGENE!!
—“The 'No' Factor” -
Sheriff: You don't have to preach to me, reverend. I go to church.
Reverend Andrew Jamison: And so I appeal to you in the name of Christ, your Master, to help us! Please... help us!
—“The Underground Railroad, Part 3” -
Roy (a): That's right, Blackgaard. Joe, Frank, Bubba, and the rest of us. Now get out of here. We're gonna save your theater!
Edwin Blackgaard: After all I said about you? Why?
Roy (a): Because it's our job!
—“When Bad Isn't So Good” -
Jimmy Barclay: I can't believe you volunteered us to go to The Electric Palace just as Rick Rancid was about to start, Lawrence.
Lawrence Hodges: Sorry, Jimmy; I didn't know what I was thinking.
Jimmy Barclay: I may have to kick you out of the fan club for this!
Lawrence Hodges: You'd look pretty silly attending the meetings all by yourself.
Jimmy Barclay: That's true.
—“Aloha, Oy!, Part 1” -
Liz: Alex is a boy. Who knows what’s going on in his head?
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Angela: Yes, Mr. Walton.
Bernard Walton: The name's Bernard! <to himself> She'll never get my name right...
—“The Fifth House on the Left, Part 2” -
Regis Blackgaard: it may be evil, but it’s effective.
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Redcoat #2: Sleeping, eh? You wouldn't have been listening to our conversation, would ya?
Newt: Listening? With the way I snore?
—“The Midnight Ride” -
Fanny Crosby: Listen, before you go I have a little something special for you.
Jenny Roberts: Really?
Fanny Crosby: Yes. It's a poem I wrote when I was eight years old. "Oh what a happy soul am I. Although I cannot see. I am resolved that in this world contented I will be. How many blessings I enjoy that other people don't. To weep and sigh because I'm blind, I cannot and I won't."
—“Hymn Writers” -
Alex: I know what all of you are thinking: my jacket is wrinkled. I would have ironed it, but someone here thought it would be a great idea to use the iron to make a grilled cheese sandwich.
Cal: I had bread. I had cheese. I had an iron. What was I supposed to do? -
Wooton to Wellington: Remember, we don't have any servants here, so if you see anyone besides me, call the police.
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Wooton: Penny loves surprises. She has so many surprises you could write a book about them.
Connie: Where to end that book is the challenge. -
Nick: Whit, can I have the day off tomorrow?
Whit: Why?
Nick: Because I won't be here. -
Jack Allen: I never knew Bart was such a good tap dancer!
Connie Kendall: You said it!
—“Rewards in Full” -
Jimmy Barclay: Where'd you learn to pray like that?
Donna Barclay: What do you mean?
Jimmy Barclay: You sounded like an adult. What'd you do, read it somewhere?
Donna Barclay: Cut it out. It's rude to critique people's prayers. I wasn't talking to you anyway.
—“A Prayer for George Barclay” -
Danny: Connie, I think you've better have a look at this table.
Connie Kendall: Why, what's wrong with it?
Danny: It's wobbly. I don't think it's safe for children my age.
Connie Kendall: You don't think it's safe? What are you going to do, drive it home? You know, I really worry about you kids sometimes.
—“Nothing to Fear” -
Brenda Perry: So, how's The Good Samaritan coming?
Charles Thompson: He's purple.
Brenda Perry: What?
Charles Thompson: He was a grape-flavored Popsicle. But I figure, he'd be pretty purple anyways after getting beat up.
—“The Pretty Good Samaritan” -
Bernard Walton: Nothin worse than a squirming kid when you're trying to tell a story.
—“Bernard and Esther, Part 1” -
Danny: Connie, I think you've better have a look at this table.
Connie Kendall: Why, what's wrong with it?
Danny: It's wobbly. I don't think it's safe for children my age.
Connie Kendall: You don't think it's safe? What are you going to do, drive it home? You know, I really worry about you kids sometimes.
—“Nothing to Fear” -
Jenny Roberts: Heather didn't have a VCR, but Sherry did. So why didn't Sherry tape the program and have Heather see it later?
John Whittaker: Connie?
Connie Kendall: H-how about some more lemonade?
—“Rights, Wrongs and Reasons” -
Rodney Rathbone: It all started when I took Denver to Whit's End.
Harlow Doyle: You took a whole city to Whit's End?!
—“The Case of the Candid Camera” -
Eugene Meltsner: Mr. Whittaker... I think I want to believe, but I need help with my unbelief.
John Whittaker: Eugene, that’s as good a start as any.
—“Thy Kingdom Come” -
Eugene Meltsner: This is rather embarrassing to admit Mr. Whittaker, but <whispering> I don't have a driver's license.
John Whittaker: You don't have a driver's license?!
Eugene Meltsner: Please Mr. Whittaker lower your vocal amplification! This is not information I wish to share with the world at large.
—“A Tongue of Fire” -
Jack Davis: I'll bet those things he carries out in the middle of the night are his experiments. Just like Frankenstein.
—“Rumor Has It”