Quotes - Mega Feed
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Jason Whittaker: I could say I'm a kumquat, but that doesn't make me one.
Jack Allen: But it's obvious you're not a kumquat.
—“Malachi's Message, Part 2” -
Bernard Walton: Put your calculator away, Eugene, or consider being stranded on the side of the interstate in your estimations!
Eugene Meltsner: Oh, then it's Hollywood, here we come.
—“The Fifth House on the Left, Part 1” -
Robyn Jacobs: They wore black sweaters. You know, sorta like crooks on TV? And they talked funny! Like they had containers!
Dale Jacobs: Containers?
Robyn Jacobs: Yeah, containers! You know, to straighten your teeth?
Ann Jacobs: I think you mean retainers.
Robyn Jacobs: Yeah, that too!
—“But, You Promised” -
Hank Murray: I thought we'd all hold hands and sing. What do you think? I'm gonna tie you up!
—“Hold Up!” -
Jimmy Barclay: You're our tour guide?
Don Iowa: That's right. Don Iowa, guest liaison.
Doris Rathbone: Ooh, I just love Hawaiian names - how do you spell that?
Don Iowa: D-O-N.
Doris Rathbone: No, your last name.
—“Aloha, Oy!, Part 1” -
John Whittaker: You'll get more protection out of a deodorant spray than from that silly good luck charm!
—“Gotcha!” -
June Kendall: You know, Connie tried to make sushi once when she was a little girl -- that poor goldfish!
Connie Kendall: Mom...
—“Something Blue, Part 2” -
Joe Finneman: Connie, Dale. There is no story. Now really. Ok?
Dale Jacobs: Ok, I read ya. But you need to know that I'm gonna keep digging. I think you do have a story and I think it deserves to be told.
—“The War Hero” -
Martin Franklin Johns: What are you doing?
Russell Kosh: I'm changing shirts.
Martin Franklin Johns: Go in the other room, will you?
Russell Kosh: Why?
Martin Franklin Johns: The girl!
Russell Kosh: Don't be such an idiot. She's blind, remember?
Martin Franklin Johns: Well, I'm going in the other room.
—“The Perfect Witness, Part 1” -
John Whittaker: Well, he gave me an emergency key. I'm proclaiming an official emergency.
Connie Kendall: I agree.
—“Plan B, Part 1: Missing in Action” -
Paul Herlinger: Oh, hi there! I'm John Avery Whittaker, but you can call me Whit. We were just getting ready for a time of wonder, excitement and discovery! Care to join us? You never know what'll happen next time--Bah. Next. Let's do this right.
—“Inside the Studio” -
Bart: Hey I’ve got an idea for improving the town.
Bernard: You’re moving?
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Connie: Penny, for half an hour you’ve been decorating this house and humming Jingle Bells and yelling ‘hey!’ Now why do you do that?
Penny: Because it’s too hard to hum the 'hey’ part. -
Richard Maxwell: It’s against my moral code!
Jack: Oh, your morals are not up to code. -
Alex: I’m a digital addict. I diagnosed myself online.
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Bridget: What is wrong with you?
Jules: Off the top of my head, I’d say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition to anxiety and depression. -
Connie: Don’t you dare call me irrational! You know that makes me crazy.
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Jillian: You’ve been seeing a man?
Connie: Only when I close my eyes and concentrate. -
Sarah: Excuse me, Liz, but I’ve got news for you. Copernicus called and you are NOT the centre of the universe.
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Jules: This is the fifth time my mother has called today, I really should pick this up.
Bridget: You know what? You should not pick this up, cuz the last thing you need right now is a conversation with a pathological narcissist!
Jules: Okay, you don’t know her, and if I don’t answer, she’s gonna keep calling me. She’s like a stalker I used to live inside of. -
Connie: As John Paul Sartre said, we are our choices, and Jillian’s choices are nuts - I mean, she’s seriously bonker-balls!
Professor: Connie, we don’t use terms like that in abnormal psychology.
Connie: I’m sorry, “bonker-balls” isn’t in the DSM-5 yet?