Quotes - Mega Feed
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Bernard Walton: Nothin worse than a squirming kid when you're trying to tell a story.
—“Bernard and Esther, Part 1” -
Danny: Connie, I think you've better have a look at this table.
Connie Kendall: Why, what's wrong with it?
Danny: It's wobbly. I don't think it's safe for children my age.
Connie Kendall: You don't think it's safe? What are you going to do, drive it home? You know, I really worry about you kids sometimes.
—“Nothing to Fear” -
Jenny Roberts: Heather didn't have a VCR, but Sherry did. So why didn't Sherry tape the program and have Heather see it later?
John Whittaker: Connie?
Connie Kendall: H-how about some more lemonade?
—“Rights, Wrongs and Reasons” -
[Tamika & Marvin trying to write a song together]
Tamika: Thrice?! Who says “thrice”?!
Marvin: It’s a word.
Tamika: So is intrauterine. It does not belong in a song.
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Sarah: Why were you listening at the door?
Jared: Because I’m too short to see through the window.
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Rodney Rathbone: It all started when I took Denver to Whit's End.
Harlow Doyle: You took a whole city to Whit's End?!
—“The Case of the Candid Camera” -
Tom Riley: If modern science can come up with cinnamon dental floss why can’t they cure the flu?
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Penny: I never understood why people throw rice at weddings anyway.
Conne: Because tomatoes leave stains.
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Eugene Meltsner: Mr. Whittaker... I think I want to believe, but I need help with my unbelief.
John Whittaker: Eugene, that’s as good a start as any.
—“Thy Kingdom Come” -
Connie: I am stunned, just stunned! Stunned is the only way to describe how… stunned I am!
Bernard: Just a minute, just a minute, Connie. Are you trying to tell us that you are stunned?
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Bill: Connie, why don’t you ever come to California to visit me?
Connie: It’s not easy, you know… I have my job, I have responsibilities, I’ve never been invited…
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Edwin, to himself as he’s about to go on stage: Remember, ESP, energy, smile, personality! They like me!
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Eugene Meltsner: This is rather embarrassing to admit Mr. Whittaker, but <whispering> I don't have a driver's license.
John Whittaker: You don't have a driver's license?!
Eugene Meltsner: Please Mr. Whittaker lower your vocal amplification! This is not information I wish to share with the world at large.
—“A Tongue of Fire” -
Jules, telling her mom about meeting Connie: She lives in a place called Odyssey. They fight over whether it's macaroni and cheese, or cheese and macaroni. They have given cows the right to vote. A magician once pulled a rabbit out of a hat. They burned him as a witch. Don't look at me like that. I'm telling you the truth.
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Jack Davis: I'll bet those things he carries out in the middle of the night are his experiments. Just like Frankenstein.
—“Rumor Has It” -
Jillian: Well, I’m off.
Bernard: That would be my diagnosis.
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Jillian: I get fired all the time!
Connie: You should be less proud of that.
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Julie Zeeke: Yeah, beauty is in the eyes of the uhh... beekeeper.
John Whittaker: Uh, beholder.
—“More Like Alicia” -
Connie Kendall: So, what's for breakfast?
June Kendall: Let's see, there's eggs, bacon, toast, juice, cereal, and milk.
Connie Kendall: Mmm, I'm starved!
June Kendall: Well, it's all there in the fridge. Have at it!
—“That's Not Fair” -
Ethel: It's right here in the want ads.
Madge: Want ads?
Ethel: No thank you, I've got some right here.
—“Gifts for Madge and Guy” -
Jack Allen: Well, I think that went as well as could be expected.
Eugene Meltsner: Would a nervous breakdown be suitable at this time?
—“Love is in the Air, Part 1” -
John Whittaker: Far be it from me to compare any of my measly inventions to the brilliance of Zapazoids.
—“Lincoln, Part 1” -
Eugene Meltsner: How old are you, Nicholas?
Nicholas Adamsworth: Eleven years, three months, 2 days, ten hours and 54 minutes old, not counting daylight savings.
—“Eugene's Dilemma” -
Lucy Cunningham-Schultz: I mean a flag is just a piece of cloth. And the First Amendment does guarantee free expression.
Curt Stevens: It does?
Lucy Cunningham-Schultz: <beat> Yes, Curt.
—“By Dawn's Early Light”