Quotes - Mega Feed

  • Tom Riley: Mr. Glossman has a lot of bright ideas on how to modernize this city so it can make more money. But there's some of us here who like the old things, Mr. Whittaker, who don't want our town to become all chrome and glass, and your wife was one of those people.
    “Recollections”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Richard Hudson: You are grounded, and I mean grounded! No phone, no nothing!
    “A Different Kind of Peer Pressure”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Connie: God doesn't make mistakes.
    Nick: Mmm, I don't know. Putting testicles on the outside didn't seem like such a good idea.
    From Incorrect AIO Quotes
  • John Whittaker: Use your imagination, and anything can happen!
    “500”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Simeon: Do not grieve for him, Connie. He found the peace and hope you and I know.
    Eugene Meltsner: Even though it means death?
    Simeon: My son, he found a reason to live that was worth dying for.
    “The Star, Part 2”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Walter Shakespeare: Help! Get your oily tentacles off of me. Help! Ed, it's got me! The rumors are true!! The rumors are-!
    “Terror from the Skies”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Tom Riley: There's a... hole in the bottom of the sea!
    Jessie Morales: Hey!
    Robyn Jacobs: Don't even THINK about it, Jessie.
    “All's Well With Boswell”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Eugene Meltsner: This is curious.
    John Whittaker: What is it?
    Eugene Meltsner: It looks like a thistle bush, but I've never thought of a thistle bush as a sign of suffering—unless you fall into one.
    “The Search for Whit, Part 3”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Richard Maxwell: Well, do I get a kiss good night?
    Donna Barclay: Get lost, Richard!
    “An Encounter with Mrs. Hooper”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Jules: Connie, there's a stranger in our back yard.
    Connie: Who is it?
    Jules: You do know what stranger means, don't you?
    From Incorrect AIO Quotes
  • John Whittaker: Really, Eugene, you've been reading too many detective stories.
    Eugene Meltsner: I don't read them at all!
    John Whittaker: Maybe you should. Then you wouldn't come up with such silly ideas. What are you going to do next, set up bear traps?
    Eugene Meltsner: Well, as a matter of fact, I—
    John Whittaker: And you, Connie, crawling around like Rambo through the house plants—in camouflage grease-paint!
    “Suspicious Minds”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Isaac Morton: You know, dad, we live in a real den of impurity.
    “Isaac the Pure”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Jana Whittaker-Dowd: It [the bird alarm clock] sounds like a dying moose!
    “Silent Night”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Bernard: Do you really think I’d ruin Whit’s milestone birthday?

    Connie: Milestone? He’s 88.

    Bernard: Right. After 80 every year without a headstone is a milestone.

    From Incorrect AIO Quotes
  • Jillian: I just learned that baked Alaska can be made locally.

    Jason: Jillian, I have an even bigger scoop for you. Mars bars are made right here on Earth.

    From Incorrect AIO Quotes
  • David Harley: Oh, hi, Whit! Caught this suspect committing a 414.
    John Whittaker: What's a 414?
    David Harley: Grand Theft Mozzarella!
    “Addictions Can Be Habit-Forming”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Tom Riley: That’s about the biggest chicken I have ever seen.
    John Whittaker: Yeah, or is it a turkey?
    “Pranks for the Memories”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Katrina Shanks: Eugene, Connie thinks a kiss hello would be appropriate behavior.
    Eugene Meltsner: Connie wants me to kiss her hello?
    Katrina Shanks: No, me.
    Eugene Meltsner: She wants you to kiss her hello?
    Katrina Shanks: No, Eugene.
    Eugene Meltsner: We should all kiss hello? One big, sloppy smooch fest?
    Bernard Walton: Well, when you put it like that...
    “Wrapped Around Your Finger”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Regis Blackgaard: Mwahahaha!
    “500”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Annie McNeal: I don’t like it back here. It smells bad.
    Tommy: It’s an alley — it’s supposed to smell bad.
    “The Day After Christmas”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Connie Kendall: Yeah, but you're different. You can hug a computer and feel loved. Most people can't do that. Actually, nobody else can do that.
    “Idol Minds”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Brenda: If I go back now and tell him the truth, he'll think I'm a liar.
    Connie: Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to tell a fib.
    From Incorrect AIO Quotes
  • Penny: I have a question for you, strictly hypothetical. Let’s say a man wants to take you out on a date.

    Connie: Why is that hypothetical?

    Penny: Check your calendar.

    From Incorrect AIO Quotes
  • Richard: So I’m just supposed to forgive Dr. Blackgaard?!

    Whit: We are pretty big on forgiveness here.

    Richard: Well, can you recommend a church that’s big on revenge? Because I want to go there.

    From Incorrect AIO Quotes
  • Wooton Bassett: Step right up to Wooton the weight guesser! If I get it right, you'll be amazed... so will I... if I get it wrong, you win a prize!
    “The Mailman Cometh”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Dale Jacobs: Congratulations, Rusty.
    Rusty Gordon: Thanks. And thank you all. Because without you, there would've been no one to clap for me.
    “The Fundamentals”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Borealis Walton: I'll sic the dogs on him!
    Bernard Walton: We don't have any dogs.
    Borealis Walton: Then I'll sic the cat on him!
    “Feud for Thought”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Bernard Walton: All those brains, he doesn't have the sense God gave a rabbit.
    “Last in a Long Line”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Nathaniel Graham: Can't we continue our debate like two adults?
    Eugene Meltsner: We could, but we're one adult short.
    Nathaniel Graham: How droll.
    “The Tower”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Traci Mulligan: Well, Winona, it looks like it's just you and me, girl. Oh sure, come on up. Oh, and pass the mashed potatoes, will you please. No, no—oh. Actually, I was hoping you'd pass them in the bowl. N-no, I'll get the gravy myself. No, really, but thanks.
    “Leap of Faith”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • David Harley: Freeze! Police! Back away slowly, go for the cheese and you'll have it!
    “Addictions Can Be Habit-Forming”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Sam Johnson: You're throwing away your Disney Read-A-Long records? You think they're impure?
    Isaac Morton: I don't know. Better safe than sorry, I figure.
    Sam Johnson: Bambi?!
    Isaac Morton: Who knows how this stuff might influence me at weak moments.
    “Isaac the Pure”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Connie Kendall: Hey, did ya have a good trip? We got your postcard from Germany, and Belgium and London and Paris and Rome and..
    Jason Whittaker: Oh, I had a great summer. Just what I needed to satisfy my traveling bug.
    Connie Kendall: I should hope so. Europe, Russia, China.
    Jason Whittaker: You gotta do it sometime Connie. You gotta tour the world.
    Connie Kendall: Right, well you buy and I'll fly.
    “For Whom the Wedding Bells Toll, Part 1”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Charles Thompson: If you need me, I’ll be weeping in the corner booth.
    “Fences”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Eugene Meltsner: He eats people and their multi-million dollar contracts for lunch, and then uses someone like me as a tooth pick!
    Katrina Shanks: Huh?
    Eugene Meltsner: I am not your father!
    “Malachi's Message, Part 2”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Alex Jefferson: Are you crazy? Come back here! We could get arrested or shot or something!
    Cal Jordan: Cool!
    “Red Herring”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Lisa Mulligan: So do either of you two like animals?
    Janelle Mulligan: It depends on how they are cooked.
    “Viva La Difference”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • John Whittaker: Hey—instead of taking the bus, let's walk back to Whit's End. Whaddya say?
    Eugene Meltsner: Are you sure, Mr. Whittaker? That's quite a distance for a man of your—
    John Whittaker: Uh, careful, careful.
    Eugene Meltsner: Uh... social position.
    “The Battle, Part 1”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Isaac Morton: You know, dad, we live in a real den of impurity.
    “Isaac the Pure”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Nathaniel Graham: Can't we continue our debate like two adults?
    Eugene Meltsner: We could, but we're one adult short.
    Nathaniel Graham: How droll.
    “The Tower”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Bart Rathbone: Look, I know you think you understand what you thought you heard me say, but what you thought you heard me say was certainly not what you thought I meant.
    “Family Values”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Rodney Rathbone: Duck! There's Tom Riley! <tires screech>
    Rodney Rathbone: Why'd you duck?
    Doris Rathbone: You said to duck!
    “The Other Woman”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Jason Whittaker: Wow! Look at all these kids.
    Jack Allen: Yeah, there's been a line to play your video game all day long.
    Jason Whittaker: Oh, that's great! You know, I'm thinking about bringing out some more. I could do the whole Old Testament in video games. Set it up in chronological order. You know, David and Goliath, Jonah...
    “Red Wagons and Pink Flamingos”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Kelly: Picnics in the rain are fun.
    Ed Washington: No...they’re not. They’re just...wet.
    “License to Deprive”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Jules: How come Wooton gets to use your car?

    Connie: Because he brings it back.

    Jules: Oh, so now there are rules?

    Connie: More just common courtesies like not driving my car out of town, or not running my car out of gas while you’re out of town, or not having my car towed by the police somewhere even farther out of town.

    Jules: Like I’m the one who didn’t put enough gas in it.

    Connie: Yeah, I shoulda thought of that before I let you take my car without asking.

    Jules: Fine! Can I borrow your car that time?

    Connie: No

    Jules: See? That’s why I don’t ask.

    From Incorrect AIO Quotes
  • Connie: Maybe people get a little put off by your vocabulary.

    Eugene: You mean intimidated by my vocabulary?

    From Incorrect AIO Quotes
  • Connie Kendall: What do you think they're up to?
    Eugene Meltsner: Ah, establishing a plausible and rational explanation to this mystery. I hope.
    Jack Allen: If they can.
    Connie Kendall: Jack, you're beginning to sound like you believe he's really an angel.
    “Malachi's Message, Part 2”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Jack: In business there are only two choices: lower your expenses or increase your revenue.

    Bart: You are completely overlooking bankruptcy and insurance fraud.

    From Incorrect AIO Quotes
  • Connie Kendall: Sometimes you make a lot of sense, Eugene.
    Eugene Meltsner: Sometimes???
    “Let This Mind Be in You”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Paul Revere: You must both leave for safety at once!
    John Hancock: Safety? Not while there's a breath left in my body! Bring me my sword!
    Sam Adams: Hancock, we've been over this a thousand times! You cannot go into battle! You're too valuable to us elsewhere!
    John Hancock: I shall go into battle and none shall say me nay! Where's my gun and my boots?
    “The Midnight Ride”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Jeff: So, what kind of poison is the cafeteria serving today?
    Bobby Novak: I can't tell. It smells like my dad's sneakers.
    Jeff: Let me see. Is meat supposed to be green? And what are those little round purple things supposed to be?
    Bobby Novak: Look, Jeff. I have to eat this stuff! I don't want to think about it.
    “Bobby's Valentine”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Aubrey Shepard: He bit me, and I bit him!

    —“The Lyin' Tale”Aubrey Shepard: When I open this garbage can lid, anything can happen.

    “The Lyin' Tale”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Jimmy Barclay: I'm in love with Connie Kendall!!
    “Coming of Age”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Bart Rathbone: <on TV> It's like I've always said, Abby. The poor have got to eat, too.
    Connie Kendall: Like you've always said?!
    “Rewards in Full”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Jason Whittaker: You can't toss your hearts around like a football!
    “Love is in the Air, Part 2”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes
  • Connie Kendall: I have all the time I need to do the things I have to do. In fact the only thing wasting my time right now is Y-O-U. So if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
    Eugene Meltsner: Y-O-U?
    Connie Kendall: YOU, EUGENE!!
    “The 'No' Factor”
    From AIOWiki Random Quotes